She Wondered
by cagalli-chan
Summary: Another oneshot drabble challenge. KiraLacus. 'If there was one thing she learned from all this, especially from him was this: War was not for the innocent, and neither was love.'


Disclaimer: Gundam SEED belongs to Bandai, Sunrise, and whatever lucky bastard owns it. I am not gaining any profit whatsoever so don't sue the poor student who is about to become poorer when said student is about to go to college. Especially a private institution. Need to write a better disclaimer. Not that anybody reads this. OO

Summary: _'If there was one thing she learned from all this, especially from him was this: War was not for the innocent, and neither was love.'  
  
_Pairings: Kira/Lacus, brief mention of Kira/Fllay

Warnings: An angst little piece that I came up with last night. References to past sexual situations which is part of the reason for the pg-13 rating. There are spoilers for the series, so read at your own risk. I will not be held responsible for spoiling anything for anyone who has not seen the series yet.

A/N: This was another challenge I took upon at the drabbleme community at live journal. The challenge this time was to write exactly 659 words, with a pg-13 rating, having the quote, "I thought you of all people would understand." This is another result. It's really hard to write a fic with constraints like this but I like the challenge it represents. Anyways, enjoy the little drabble, I know I didn't.

* * *

She wondered if he really respected her.

The kind of respect that comes with doing an act that is considered wrong, yet you do it because you know it is the right thing to do at the time, doing the act regardless of the consequences that you would face later, knowing that in your heart that you did the right thing in the end, that selfless act that gets the admiration people all around you, even complete strangers…

…the kind of respect she thinks she received from him.

She wondered if he really cared for her.

The kind of care that a brother and sister share, the togetherness that comes with being together for most of your life, sharing your most intimate thoughts and feelings, holding each other during the good times, holding each other during the bad, actions that a brother and sister would share with anyone but each other, the kind of care that a brother or sister would allow to show his or her true self because of the absence of fear that he or she would not have to worry about ridicule they would receive, a type of care ness that would do anything for the other…

…the kind of care she was looking for from him.

She wondered if he really liked her.

The kind of 'like' that starts with being strangers, gradually progressing towards casual acquaintances that would have the person say 'Hi' every time you saw them only because it was courteous to do so, to a building friendship that would entice conversations that would leave the other breathless with anticipation that they would do it again, to a 'perfect' friendship that would shares smiles and frowns, joy and sadness, victory and defeat…

…the kind of 'like' she think she's already got from him.

She wondered if he really loved her at all.

The kind of love that started with the basis of friendship went beyond the bounds of friendship, from innocent touches on the shoulders and hands to touches that lingered because you know that it was okay, the kind of comfort level that came with being in each other's company, the kind of love that starts off with a innocent kiss that you will remember for the rest of your life...

…the kind of love she thinks she will never get from him.

She wondered if he once loved someone else.

She knows this know. When he got hurt from the battle with his best friend, her former fiancé, he was emotional and spoke of things she wished she never heard. Tales of a relationship with a girl, not a women, that manipulated him with comfort, the 'comfort' that included taking off of clothing, touches that were not so innocent, the kind of act that was supposed to be the most intimate act between two people together...

…but it was an act of revenge, not of love.

She remembered seeing him try to focus control to hide the tears that threatened to spill over because of him remembering the past for her. _Boys don't cry, _she thought as the tears did finally spill_, but men do…_

She thought she could show her love for him by giving him something that meant a lot to her: her ring.

She remembered the look that he gave her, a look that spoke of many things, a look that said it experienced too much in a such a small period of time, a look that said simply 'No.' When she tried to call his name as a final act of desperation from her, he looked back at her and simply said, "I thought you of all people would understand."

…and as she watched him go off to the final battle, she wondered if he would even live for her.

If there was one thing she learned from all this, especially from him was this: War was not for the innocent, and neither was love.

end


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